Musing about cancer

My father was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer in September of 2002 and passed away from Pneumonia in February of 2005. Currently, I have a few friends dealing with cancer of various forms and it leads me to ruminate about my past experience.....a difficult time, but I learned a lot.

A cancer diagnosis affects all those closest to the patient who received the diagnosis. What we all may forget is that a whole range of emotions are experienced by every single person who loves and cares for the patient. I learned that very quickly.

I'll be straightforward since this topic tends to be avoided---the thought of the death of a loved one is devastating and brings on tremendous bouts of fear and a slew of other emotions. I specifically mention it because I was given a book by a friend called "Talking about Death Won't Kill You." It's a powerful book that I highly recommend. This book (along with a few others) helped me deal with my emotions, gave me a new perspective, encouraged new communication with my father, and most of all, instilled in me a renewed strength to trust myself and my commitment of positive energy and hope for my father.

No one had any idea of my father's prognosis in terms of time. I decided to remain positive and realistic at the same time. It is possible. You hope for the best outcome and sincerely believe in it, and at the same time, you don't live in denial---you are just more accepting and trusting of the future. This helped me balance my mixed bag of emotions and have energy for my father, and at the same time, it helped me help my father do the same.

I did not live at home at the time, but when I visited, I saw that my mother was becoming very stressed and burdened by all the added pressures of being a caregiver. She was an angel for my father, truly. I needed to remind her that she had to get out and do things for herself and specifically get together with friends---whether she was in the mood or not. She needed to do this for herself and for my father.

I also had to remind myself of the same things. We often don't "see" the build-up of our own stressors and fear. We must be reminded to take care of ourselves in the midst of these mixed emotions and it isn't as easy as it sounds.

My father experienced all these things and much, much more, so it became an education on compassion for the entire family. I learned that I had to breathe deeply at least 5, 6 or a dozen times, and feel a deep compassion for everyone, including myself. I still have to remind myself since life and some of these emotions can hit me broadside now and again.